If I have my way of resolving issues with my marriage instead of filing for divorce, then I wouldn't hesitate to opt in as long as domestic violence is not in play, considering the mental trauma involved for both the children and the parents and many other effects associated with divorce! But then, some issues in marriages can be terrible, and the best solution to stay "alive" is simply to divorce and live or stay and be buried!
Currently , my brother is filing for a divorce at the court after trying to fix the numerous issues with his marriage without success. The sound of divorce alone is breaking his heart, especially at the thought of his daughter, but he has no choice but to do the needful, especially when his life is in danger. He kept saying, This isn't the type of home I desired to have, but staying alive is a top priority. I have closely journeyed with him since this divorce saga, and I could tell of both the mental and emotional trauma he has been facing.
A lot of times , he is driving on the highway but loses focus over thinking of the whole divorce issue and the trauma it will pose on his daughter too, thus leading him into an accident, but he survived it. The other time, he was driving, but his mind was off. Lagos bad guys opened his car and took his phones, yet he realized it late. He hasn't been emotionally stable enough to think right. Again, he returned home the other day and left his whole house unlocked. Still, robbers came in that night and made away with some of his valuable properties.
His mental health has not been something to write home about. He wanted to be actively involved in the life of his daughter, but then divorce took over. It's heartbreaking! I used to think that whenever domestic violence is mentioned in marriages , then it's always the man torturing the woman , but my brother's wife proved me wrong. I thought my gender wasn't involved in marriage violence but only on the receiving side—that's by the way. Their child is still too tender to understand what's going on now, but the thought of what the child will go through clouded my brother's mind and thus the mental and emotional trauma he has been battling with.
If you haven't experienced divorce, you may not really understand what these people go through. I have a friend who divorced her husband, and to date, the children face the trauma as well. They go to school and see other kids with their parents at their special occasions , yet they wouldn't see theirs, just the mom, not as if the father is late, but divorce came knocking. The kind of questions they throw to their mom are quite emotional, and deep down, you will know that they are battling unspoken emotions within, and of course, they are sad too. Their mom, too, has been emotionally drained since the divorce issue. At the beginning, she wasn't even mentally stable enough to take care of her children and had to send them to her elder sister. How can a mentally and emotionally unwell parent nurture or protect her children effectively? It's not a joke!
A good number of parents today still stay in their marriage not because it's working well but because they don't want the effect of divorce on the lives of their children, it's their choice. I also don't think there is anyone who will desire divorce after marriage, but it happens , and the aftermath is always unpleasant. Staying or divorcing depends on the issue with the marriage, but then, I will encourage that families support couples going through challenges in their marriage and seek to resolve it if possible; otherwise, go ahead and divorce when the issue is life-threatening. Hopefully, co-parenting will work, giving the children the needed nurturing they deserve to some extent.
Finally, comparing the mental well-being of the parent seeking a divorce and the trauma children from divorced homes face, I don't think anyone's is more important to come first than the other, considering the practical experience I watched my brother go through and some children I have watched live their lives after their parents' divorce. None of these aftereffects of divorce are less important; however, supporting parents going through this challenge will go a long way in keeping their mental health stable , and then advocating for peaceful co-parenting, that way, achieving a balanced structure becomes feasible.
This post was inspired by the #hivelearners community contest on the topic titled, DIVORCE
All images were taken from canva
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